I mean, really, wow. As of yesterday, I have one week until this baby is born.
I’ve spent the last 38 weeks watching in amazement, as my body changes and adapts, to grow another human. I’ve been horribly sick, more tired than I ever though possible, and discovered what it really means to have a aching body. Yes, this pregnancy has been a bit rough on me, even that is a understatement. I am waving my white flag quite often these days, collapsing into a heap of emotionally and physically exhausted Krystal.
On the other hand, this pregnancy has taught me a lot about myself. I have a whole new respect for my body, and the kind of condition I want it to be in. After months of not being able to bend to properly put shoes on my daughter, I am thrilled at the idea of being physically fit, limber and in control. To be able to lift my daughter, run around with her in the backyard, climb my stairs without feeling like my lungs might explode out of my chest, these things you take for granted sometimes. I am excited to take on the challenge of getting my body back into normal (maybe even above normal?!) shape. I am not talking about weight, either. I am so not someone who is going to stress and obsess about losing every pound of the pregnancy weight. Not by any means. I am talking about feeling good, confident and strong in my skin again.
I have this renewed bond and intense love for my family. I find myself daydreaming even more about adventures we will take together, projects we can take on, our little family of four. Wow. I am so anxious to watch Marley grow into the role of big sister, she is such a tender heart, I can’t think of a more fitting place for her to be in. I am trying to mentally prep myself, because I know that I am going to cry, probably a lot, watching the two of them together, seeing her meet him for the first time, her trying to help as much as she can. She is so eager to teach him everything she knows, to show him how much she already loves him. The depth of her unconditional commitment to him, before he is even here, is really beautiful.
I am excited to see Jason with a little boy, to witness their growing together, that unique father-son dynamic. I am dying to see if he will look like Jason, or take more after me. I will never forget the falling-in-love-all-over-again feeling of watching Jason with Marley those first few days, feelings I still get when I watch them together. I am anxious to see how our everyday shifts and changes, as we adjust to life with two children. I’m interested to see how/if it will change the dynamic of our marriage, strengthen and reinforce the deep bond that we have.
My body yearns for the snuggly, grunting, warm, heavenly-smelling body of a squishy newborn to be nestled into me. I remember those beautiful, blissful, soul-soaring moments where you couldn’t feel any more complete or happy than you do at that exact moment. I made this. WE made this. How incredible.
I have been experiencing a lot of early labour signs, making my comfort level questionable at best. Constantly being on high alert is exhausting and is starting to drain me. After being checked out by my Dr today, knowing I have only this week left, if that, I have made a conscious decision to give in to the process. If I am going to go into real, proper labour before my scheduled c-section date (April 22nd), so be it. If I don’t and these contractions, cramping and nausea keep up for the last 5 days? That is also out of my hands. I refuse to let this last week break me, because I know one day, probably sooner than I think, I will miss parts of this.
We are ready when you are, little man, and we can not wait to meet you.
How far along? 38 weeks
Baby is the size of a: pumpkin. (think Cinderella’s coach!)
Total weight gain: 32 as of today.
Maternity clothes? Yoga pants, maternity jeans and stretchy tops.
Stretch marks? a couple little ones now. My skin hurts.
Sleep: What is that?
Best moment this week: Knowing that my body is preparing for labour/delivery.
Miss Anything? Clothes that fit me properly and eating proper meals.
Movement: Movement has slowed down a ton. He nudges me often enough to keep me from going into a panic though.
Food cravings: Water water water.
Food aversions: Everything. My appetite is gone.
Gender: Mr man
Labor Signs: contractions since last Thursday, cramping
Belly Button in or out? completely out and flat, it hurts.
Wedding rings on or off? Still rocking my rings.
Looking forward to: Finally meeting this baby!