My Heart.

This boy

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and this girl

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they have my heart. Completely.

Things are getting better here, day by day. We have been seeing a Chiropractor and Osteopath and they have helped Corbin immensely, I can’t even begin to describe the almost instant changes that they brought to him. Thankful is a small way of putting it. Corbin is starting to become a much more content, happy and relaxed baby, with the exception of car rides. I have a feeling getting used to that one might take a while, but even that is showing some improvement. I could tell you about the epic meltdown he had in the car the other day, it involved traffic, construction and pouring rain, but I don’t want to traumatize anyone else. It was the worst of the worst that left Marley, Corbin and myself shaking and quite upset. Not cool.

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Corbin is starting to ‘talk’ and interact more with us, which I feel like he was frustrated about before. Big huge gummy smiles are pretty common now, complete with little kicking feet and excited waving arms. I find it hard to express into words how glad I am that he is starting to seem more comfortable in his skin and with our surroundings, I felt so awful for all of us, but mostly him. The world is a scary place when you are used to a nice comfy uterus, it’s hard to blame him for being so upset all the time. As he is getting older, that magical age of 3 months is quickly approaching, the age where everyone keeps telling me a swicth goes off and babies suddenly understand more and relax a bit.

Marley is doing awesome, keeping us all entertained with her stories, fashion choices and overall adorableness. Since Corbin arrived, I can’t help but look at her and see a big kid, she has changed so much and matured overnight it seems like. She’s as sweet as ever, completely obsessed with her baby brother, and loves showing him off to strangers and friends alike. As long as they pay attention to her as well, right? After a few scares at the pool, she is starting her second round of private swimming lessons next week, which she is excited about. There is also a fairy princess ballet camp on the horizon, that I am waiting to tell her about, otherwise it will be “is camp today? how about now? tomorrow? in 5 minutes? mom, its taking a long time to get here.”.

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Jason and I are trying to organize ourselves and the house, as we are preparing to take on a pretty major main floor renovation. There will be walls ripped out, bathroom and laundry room moved, and a whole new kitchen put into place. I’m like a kid at Disneyworld excited, but the work leading up to the big job is pretty daunting as we essentially have to clear out our main floor for a few weeks. Because that is exactly what one wants to be doing with a 3 month old and a 4 year old. NOPE. But really, I will try not to complain too much because HELLO DREAM KITCHEN!

My anxiety and depression seems to ebb and flow, as one would expect. There are great days and there are horrible days, but I am working through everything and taking it one day at a time. Part of my ‘kick PPD/PPA in the ass’ program is making sure we get out of the house at least once a day, even if it’s just for a walk around the block. I have been finding that if I’m having a crappy day, but force myself out for that walk, once we are back at the house I am already feeling more upbeat and positive, so yay for progress! There are still some pretty big triggers, but I’m learning very quickly to remove myself for situations, people and places that are not healthy for me. Not always easy, and I sometimes fail at it, but I’m happy to be more aware and informed enough to at least look back on a episode and recognize triggers and situations. Again, day by day.

I have some really great things that I am wanting to write about, share with you and explore, and I plan on doing so as my creativity and drive come back to me. I have been keeping a list on my iPhone of topics and ideas, which I can not wait to get into as I dig myself out. Looking back, these last 3 months have been quite the blur, I have some regret and shame about how little I felt present during most of it. I was in survival mode for a while and I had to let some things go so that I could hold onto myself and my family. As I find myself have more and more good days and better times, I feel ready to add some of those pushed aside things back into my life, blogging being one of them. I am not saying I’m all of a sudden going to be posting a few times a week, I am not setting any expectations on myself for that quite yet. But I will be here.

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My heart.

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