You know the mixture of feelings you have when your baby starts crawling?
All of the above, and more.
As with most things to do with motherhood, you run the gauntlet of emotions every time your baby meets a new milestone. Almost every time it’s pride and excitement, very quickly followed by panic and sadness that all signs are indeed pointing to your baby quickly approaching that not-so-much-a-baby stage. That stage that also brings it’s own range of emotions. It’s a never ending circle, and just when you think you have come to terms with the growing up, some other new skill is learned and they are bigger once again.
Since I haven’t updated in forever, it’s safe to say that both Corbin and Marley are very different little people in the last 4 months.
Corbin is kneeling, laughing, eating everything in sight, babbling, crawling around, pulling himself up to standing, and is testing the waters on standing on his own. He is really mellowing out, and is much more content in general. Thank God, because there was a good chunk of time where I really thought I was going to go off the deep end. I’m not even kidding. He was SUCH a hard little baby, and looking back on the first 7 months of his life is truly painful as it’s become such a black hole for me. I have such sadness when I let myself think about it, because we were all so miserable. I missed so much because I was barely keeping my head above water most days, and we weren’t able to truly enjoy him and know him for the longest time. It was pure, frustrated, sad and angry survival mode for quite a long time here, and I am just now starting to feel confident in myself as a parent with him. I could write a novel about my feelings about it all, and talk in circles, analyze, but it’s still painful and just typing about it makes my palms sweat and my heart rate increase.
But that was then, and this is now and I am determined to enjoy every second now, soak him up in all of his chubby adorable cute glory. He has such a sweet, loving and fierce soul, and while the road to developing that was a rough one, it was necessary and we all survived.
Marley has morphed into this little lady almost overnight, it seems. She creates art masterpieces all over every tiny piece of paper she can get her hands on, and is obsessed with writing out words and learning to read. She is doing so well in school, and soaking up so many new skills and knowledge that it truly boggles my mind. The difference a year has made in her is crazy, heck even the last 6 months. She really is this little kid now, asking (and properly using) a knife with her supper, taking showers on her own, getting her own snacks and picking her own clothes. She is so full of love and affection; the other day she brought me a little heart pennant from a necklace and told me that I should hold onto it and whenever I miss her, I can rub it on my cheek and remember how much she loves me. Seriously. Like I said, she is absolutely blowing my mind every day. I’m so proud of her, I could burst.
Every day we see something new and different about our kids. A new quirk, personality trait, a new little seed of knowledge planted. I think that’s one of the most rewarding things about being a parent; watching your child lean to fly with the tools that you have given them. On a very selfish level, you get the gratification that all your hard work, tears, sleepless nights, yelling, negotiating, teaching, laughter, time, really, your life all suddenly seems to make sense. Your purpose here becomes more clear, and the hardest days don’t seem so bad anymore. I love those days.
PS: Do you like my new look? I figured it was time for a breath of fresh air here and Becca over at Jumping Jax Designs brought my vision to life. I’ve worked with Becca many times, as she’s designed birthday invitations and christmas cards for us over the years. Check her out