My current view: a kitchen counter full of dirty dishes, a fully loaded clean dishwasher, a toy-strewn living room, a dog hair covered floor, smudged windows and 3 loads of laundry that need to be folded and put away.
That’s literally just from where I am sitting, in my kitchen.
I’m struggling a little bit right now, trying to figure out how to keep up to the everyday going-ons of a household, enjoy my final few weeks with just Marley and I, rest my oh so tired pregnant body, spend quality time with my husband, and address the things that need to be done before the baby arrives.
Overwhelmed is a understatement. My body not only hurts, but it’s at a point now where few things are comfortable. Have you ever tried to explain to a 3 year old that you can’t get down on the ground and play dollhouse with her? It’s similar to feeling like the worst human being ever. I am torn between listening to my body and Dr’s orders, and keeping my child happy and my house from turning into a disgusting black hole of mess and clutter. None of which are good for me, emotionally and physically. I simply can not relax or be happy when my house is in total disarray. Of course I can handle a normal amount of chaos, I am not superhuman, but I am a much happier person when things are at least mostly in shape.
Jason has stepped up and been helping out a ton, but the fact is, he still works 40+ hours a week, while I am home all day. There is only so much he can do to help, in the time he has. I try not to nag and pile everything on him, or get frustrated when he doesn’t do something the way I would. But, you know, it happens. We have been pretty diligent with teaching Marley to pick up after herself, and take responsibility for her toys, which has been helpful. I’m even more on top of her now, about picking up here things, and putting them back in the playroom. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m fairly sure I gave birth to a tiny hoarder. The little tiny, inconsequential items she collects and plays with, blow my mind. She has a playroom FULL of toys, but give her a handful of change, a rubber elastic, a bowl, a wooden spoon and a rag? She will keep herself content for an extended period of time, which is awesome, but also means there is a constant littering of random little trinkets all over our house that have no real home. Maddening for someone with my level of OCD, because WHERE DO I PUT THESE THINGS?!
I am trying my hardest. Most days. Other days, I can’t muster the energy or will to even begin. Sometimes a clean load of laundry sits in the basket, waiting to be folded and put away, for a day or three. Some nights we go to bed with the dishwasher waiting to be unloaded, and our sink full of dirty dishes. I am trying to learn to be ok with this, because it’s either that or go crazy trying to keep everything the way I used to be able to. The reality check is simple: our lives are about to be turned around again, schedules will be out the door, there won’t always be time or the energy to keep things perfect. This new little baby is going to require most of my attention, and he deserves that. I have to learn to let it go, know it’s not the end of the world, learn to relax within the chaos of a home filled with my beautiful family. One thing on a time, and just like Dory says “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”
Sometimes, it’s just easier and better for all involved, to look around and survey my surroundings, have a internal freak out, shrug and sit on my couch. You know what? I’m learning that that’s ok.